The Offensive "Successful Black Man" Meme

I love surfing the web. I probably surf the web more than necessary. Anyway, earlier this week I came across two article about "respectability politics." Initially, I had no understanding of what it meant until I delved deeper into the subject. Respectability politics are  “rules” for racially marginalized groups to follow in the effort to be viewed socially acceptable by Supremacist groups. I am in no way a fan of politics, but reading about this really got me thinking. Why does any person of color have to speak properly at all times, dress formally, and work to be the "exception" of their particular racial group. The article I read mentioned how Don Lemon had a segment entitled " No Talking Points" in 2013 addressing what he considered to be the problems in the black community. Below, you will find his proposed "Solutions" to the problems:

• Pull up our pants

• Stop using the N-word

• Respect where we live

•  Finish school

• No more out of wedlock children

While these seem like harmless suggestions, they are also implying that there is something wrong with black culture. I do not sag my pants, nor have I live through any of the stereotypical ideas of what an inner-city black male lives. However, being called the "exception"  and being told " you're so different" or "you don't act like you're from Paterson" is NOT a compliment.  There's a "successful black man" meme that has circulated the internet that might be initially funny(as it is a joke) but if you really think about what it is implying, it's extremely offensive because its depicting a "successful black man" in contrast from an average black man.

Here's a GREAT quote from the second article that articulates exactly how I feel:

Some black people go to college, speak “proper” English, listen to things other than gangster rap, and wear pants that fasten securely at waist height. But that 16-year-old black girl talking too loud on her cell phone on the bus with her baby on her lap doesn’t deserve your racist crap either. Neither does the black guy who is sitting on his (your?) stoop at 11pm drinking a 40 with his boxers partly exposed.

Here are the links to both articles for those interested in reading them:

An Open Letter to Don Lemon, Respectability Politics Will Never Protect Black People

Respectability Politics

Undergrad Career

As a graduating senior this certainly will be a bittersweet post. When you're an incoming first year student as an undergrad your vision on how college life will be is primarily derived from television shows and movies, or stories that you hear about from your best friend's older brother. No one can be truly prepared for college until you're actually fully immersed into the culture. When I was a freshmen just about four years ago, I was excited to start a new chapter in my academic career, as generic as that sounds, it is my truth. I came in as an EOF student which is a program for students who need financial assistance. The program gives students the opportunity to receive an education even if a student may not be able to afford it. Fortunately for me I came into Ramapo in the summer session for the program which gave me an advantage of what to expect once the official school year began. Then fall semester of my freshmen year came around and my level of excitement for higher learning dropped. The only time I was out of my room was for my classes, otherwise I was hiding underneath my sheets counting sheep for hours, even days at a time. I was extremely introverted and did not want to interact with anyone unless it was absolutely necessary. However, having the circle of friends that I was so fortunate to develop during the summer session, they surely started to crack my shell and break me out of the bubble I was constructed for so long.

Soon after that time period of my undergrad career a change came over me. (Yes, I realize it sounds like I was transforming into a werewolf at the moon's peak, but that didn't happen until my senior year). I digress. By the end of my first year at Ramapo, there wasn't a program you didn't see me at, or an initiative I wasn't a part of in some facet. The rest is pretty much history after that. I joined a Greek-lettered organization, got hired under CSI (student activities department at the time) have done countless hours of service projects and joined several other student clubs and organizations offered on campus. Then senior year arrives, just as I mentioned there cannot be any formal preparation of entering college, the same regard goes to exiting as well. Don't get me wrong, the school offers students hundreds of resources and opportunities to help us develop professionally so we are ready for the "real world", but no one can entirely control what will happen post graduation. This is where I am today. Graduation is just about 2 weeks away and one would think I would be excited, nervous, anxious, exhausted, constipated, or whatever other adjective you would deem appropriate. The only term I can use it ready. Very simple, but truthful. I am ready to finish off my undergrad career, walk across that stage in my cap and gown and hundreds of stoles on, receive what is meant to be my diploma, and keep walking towards my future.

Congratulations to all graduating seniors and good luck on your future endeavors in life wherever that may take you. I will be heading to the sunshine state at the University of Central Florida to pursue my master's degree, yay me!!!

Letting Go

Letting go of something you love is one of the hardest things you can ask someone to do . Whether it be a long time relationship, a friendship, a hobby, a habit or a loved one.
On Saturday April 12, 2014 I lost my Aunt. This is one of the hardest things for me to let go and move on from since the death of my Grandmother when I was 12 years old. Every night I go to sleep and every morning when I wake up the first thing on my mind is my Aunt. It hurts to have these feelings everyday and that is why letting go is essential. I have to let go of the pain and regret that I feel. I have to let go of the hope of wanting her to come back. I have let go in order to heal.
I have to also realize that letting go and healing is not going to happen over night. I have to realize that day by day I will slowly let go and I will eventually heal. I will hold onto our memories together and allow those memories to motivate me to continue to push through these hard days.
R.I.P Aunt Mandy , Love you and I shall see you again <3

Life After Letters

I had never saw myself joining a sorority. It was never even an option in my head. When I was incoming freshman at Ramapo, I had the same ideas about Greek life that many others had. I thought Greek Life was only for people who want to party and participate in other forms of debauchery. Now that I have become part of Greek Life, my perception of the scope of what Greek Life is and what it can be has completely changed.  I now understand that for many people, their organizations is one of their main creative outlets and ways that they contribute positively to the world. I have learned that each organization stands for something different, and that it is not some strange homogeneous sea of letters and people. In essence, I have stopped stereotyping Greek Life and those who are a part of it.

Unfortunately, my vision of what Greek Life was is not some sort of fluke. The reputation of Greek Life across the country is not the best. Although is varies from campus to campus, there are still many prevailing stereotypes and misunderstandings nationwide. Now that I am one of the people who wear letters, I recognize how harmful those stereotypes can be. I do not want to be judged the same way that I myself have judged others. I want to be given a fair chance, because if given one, I can confidently demonstrate the unlimited beauty and potential of my organization.

This is not to say that all Greeks are angels. There are challenges in Greek life, especially the divide between what people call the "mainstream" and the "cultural" Greeks. There is still in many places a culture of partying, hazing, and other illegal activities.  It is not my intention to encourage people to turn a blind eye to the problems within the Greek community. My intention is to encourage people to look at the entire scope of Greek Life, instead of only focusing on the negative stereotypes or stories told.

Next time you see a bunch of letters, instead of thinking keg-stand, go up and ask that person what their organization stands for; what they say may surprise you.

Because Sometimes You Don't Know if You Need A Break

Like every-other college student, I sometimes find trouble balancing my young adult life with my work/school life. I want to go out and meet people. I want to study harder for that exam. I want to intern in the summer. I want to play catch up with old friends. It's a never ending cycle of choosing one over the other, canceling on friends, or missing out school/work opportunities. I read somewhere that keeping yourself busy is a great way to fight depression. However, wouldn't burning yourself out trying to keep up with all the different aspects of life also CAUSE depression?  Until recently, I was always under the impression that I have to eventually choose one.
 Work-Life Balance is a big part of the dialogue in the 21st century workplace. Employees all want work-life balance. It seems like people who succeed to give up all their social lives in order to thrive in the workplace. I have noticed the same trend in school- The most active students tend to reject any and all social gatherings.

         
The only solution is to conjoin work life and social life. BEFORE YOU THINK I AM CRAZY...Take a look at people who have succeeded in fields they absolutely adore. Most of their friends tend to be in the same field because they share the same passion as them. Work doesn't feel like work because it is an activity they look forward to. They don't have to be a different person at work than they are outside of work. The only real way to get work-life balance is to be introspective about what you do and the people you want in your life. Your friends won't make you choose them over your career. A job you truly love will be something you want to talk to your friends about. Even in a school setting, there's no need to sacrifice anything. You need to do work you are excited about and interact with like minded individuals.

  

Diversity Convocation with Shane Windmeyer!

Yesterday, after originally being cancelled due to snow, Ramapo held the Diversity Convocation with guest speaker Shane Windmeyer. Shane is a national leader in gay and lesbian civil rights and a champion for LGBT issues on college campuses AS WELL AS cofounder and executive director of Campus Pride. Campus Pride works toward creating safer environments for LGBT students on college campuses by advocating, educating, supporting, and providing resources



Shane spoke to an audience consisting of faculty, staff, and students about LGBT issues that plague college campuses today. He spoke about what he felt were Ramapo's strong points and things that could also be improved upon (*ahem* gender neutral bathrooms and LGBT recruitment efforts!) but I left the room with so much more than that- I left feeling inspired, hopeful, and motivated.
  
As an LGBT identified college student, it was an amazing opportunity to hear Shane speak and bring light to these important issues to the broader campus community. Discussing why it's important to have support for LGBT students (as there are higher suicide rates, higher rates of bullying, and higher rates of substance abuse in the LGBT community) as well as how we can achieve that support as an institution was both empowering and enlightening. He captured the attention of everybody in the room and created such a buzz of positive energy.

Not only that, but I got the opportunity to meet him personally and chat with him. It was a wonderful experience and I am so fortunate to have been a part of it!

Thank you Shane for coming to Ramapo and being such an amazing and inspiring leader!

Are Cellphones killing our social skills?

 Alright, let's look at topic that relates to 99% of us: using our cellphones. We do it nearly non-stop, all day, every day. These little electronic wonder machines have basically become an extension of ourselves, an integral part of our lives. I mean when we lose them; we basically start reacting like Gollum from "Lord of The Rings" (AKA having a panic attack and attacking people around us, especially those filthy Hobbits!). So looking as this objectively, I think it's safe to say we developed a bit of an obsession with our cell phones. But the real question is, are our cell phones hurting out social skills? 

(I assume you've already stopped reading this blog post, and gone back to checking your texts by now...)

I know I know, it must be unthinkable to think that our precious cellphones are actually hurting our ability to connect with other people. You might say something like:

"James, you simpleton, with my cellphone I can stay connected with all my friends, no matter how far away they are! That's total social connectivity! I'm so rad!"

(This is totally your face right now, I'm 100% sure of it.)

While I admit that cellphones do let us stay connected with people all over, I'm going to argue that they're actually killing our face-to-face social skills. All this digital interaction, especially texting, is slowly but surely removing our ability to communicate in real life. We're becoming this generation that is far more comfortable with communication taking place from behind a screen, and not in person. Texting is removed and impersonal, which makes it far easier to deliver communication that we might not feel comfortable saying in person. 

How many times have you met a person that sounds completely different over text than they do in person? Usually, they're much quieter, maybe even completely different in person than they are over the phone. This comes from the fact that texting imbues us with a false sense of confidence that we don't have in person. The fact that we don't have to actually see or react to the human being we're communicating with is removing our actual feelings from conversations. It's making us cold and removed, while simultaneously breaking down our ability to converse in person.

"You mean I can't say 'LOL S0RRY L0SER' in real life?!"

A perfect example of this is the "break-up" text; a brand new type of terrible interaction that has appeared with our new generation. Look, breaking up with some one on a phone call is already bad enough, but doing it over TEXT?! It confounds me that people can actually do that to a person they supposedly "cared about". But because it's so much easier to send a damaging message from behind a screen, it has now become relatively common place. People would rather deal with it through digital key-strokes than have to actually face the distress they're about to put their ex-partner through. 

We're forgetting how to deliver important news in person, since we feel safer doing it from behind a screen. It's no surprise that cyber-bullying is on the rise since it's SO much easier to put somebody down when you don't have to actually look them in the face. Think about how many times somebody has said something to you that you KNOW they would never actually say in person. This is NOT a good trait for a whole generation to develop.

(I know, I know, talking to real people is difficult and scary, but still...)

Now look, I admit that I am JUST as guilty of this as anybody else. I've done it all: Avoided people at school so I could text them later, said stuff I'd never say in person, all that jazz. I'm not proud of it, but hey, I'm sure none of us really are.

 I just think that collectively we should take steps towards becoming more personal with the people in our lives again. Drop the cellphones for a bit, take a minute to appreciate the people and things around us, and get back to the real world. No more texting through dinner dates (another huge pet peeve), no more just constantly staring at our screens when walking around campus, none of that. I have no hate for cellphones, I think they're wonderful things; but they shouldn't be consuming so much of our lives. 

So let's take a step back from all our cyber handhelds, and put a little more human personality into our interactions, ok?

Awesome.

The Feels of Sound

Isn't music just great? Doesn't everyone think we should just have music playing everywhere we go whether it's to work, school, to bed, in the shower, on the toilet? Maybe that last one is going a little too far, but you get the point. I have music intertwined in my veins since I was a wee little sprout - it runs in my family heavily. My mother is a dancer, my father is a percussionist, my brother is a dancer and I am also a musician, (more of a side thing now), but it still thrives in my clan. I cannot go without a day of listening to music, I feel like it just throws me all off wack. When i'm studying, surfing the web, bored out of my mind, I need to listen to music. Even as I am writing this post I have music playing in the background from my Spotify account.

Now some people may think it is distracting and causes them to lose focus, but I am the complete opposite. I have more trouble focusing on tasks without music playing around me. It's not so much of a specific genre either, just as long as I feel it and can appreciate the instrumentation of it, I can listen to almost anything. I remember an English class I took in high school, we read an article about the different types of musical planes people listen to music on. In other words, there are different reasons why people listen to music. One was called the 'lyrical plane' which is listening based on the words of a song and/or there is some sort of connection being made with the lyrics of the song to the person hearing it. The one that I relate to the most, is called the 'sheerly musical' plane; it involves listening to music just for the purpose of listening to sounds and how the instrumentation of a song is put together.

Music also influences your emotions and what mood you are in or desire to be in. If you are in a romantic mood or are feeling really in tact with your affectionate side, then slow ballads or R&B music would typically be the genre chosen. If you're feeling enraged or just enthralled with energy, than up tempo Rock music might be suitable for that emotion, and if you're feeling inspired and empowered, than something along the lines of gospel or something that is uplifting like "Eye Of The Tiger" or "The World's Greatest" by R Kelly. You're probably wondering where am I going with all of this, but I really just wanted to talk about how great music is. It can be used to heal, to brainstorm, to calm, to excite, to inspire, to sadden - the list goes on. I really give my hat off to the individuals who create music for the world and give us another outlet to free ourselves, even if it's just for a few minutes.

"You're Ornamental, Not Functional"

Marissa brought this mother of all insults to my attention today--she heard it on the television show "Scandal." We discussed the serious implications of what it would mean to say this to a person. You would literally be invalidating their inner value. As intense as that sounds (and is), the reason this quote came up was because we were talking about how unfortunately un-functional women's clothing can be.

Let's start with the most illogical aspect of women's clothing, especially when compared to men's clothing: SIZING! Men's pants are sized based on two numbers: the measurement of your waist and the length of your leg. When both of these measurements are used, relatively accurate sizes are available for purchase. With that in mind, what is someone supposed to do with a size like "8." What does that even mean?! Not only does the number signify nothing in relationship to actual body size, but sizes are anything but consistent across the many different brands of clothing.

Another infuriatingly un-functional accessory that some women use are belts. While there are belts that do hold your pants up, and some of these belts even manage to look pretty, there are far too many belts out there that you buy under the impression that they will work, only to discover they are flimsy bits of decorative fabric. They seem fine at first, and then reveal their true identity at the most inopportune time as your pants start falling down during an important meeting.


Next, we look to the gloriously popular yet sometimes completely unnecessary high heel. To disfigure your foot and occasionally put yourself through intense pain to wear these shoes makes no sense to me. It is especially ridiculous when creative designers outfit superheroes with high heels. How can one fight crime effectively when one can hardly walk?

And last, but certainly not least, is one of the most infuriating aspects of women's clothing: the tiny and sometimes entirely fake pockets. This particular subject is a touchy one for me, and I honestly don't think it even deserves my attention. This comic pretty much sums it up:

Following all these rants about relatively un-functional aspects of women's clothing, I'd like to be sure to state that every person has the right to present themselves however they choose, and this includes clothing. The issue I take with these garments is not that they exist and most certainly not with the people who choose to wear them, but rather with the expectation that all women should make these garment choices, to the point at which alternative clothing options are not available. If you want to wear an ornamental belt, then great! I'd just like clothing lines to recognize my need for a functioning one as well.