Live Journal: Self-Care and Activist Burnout

I’ve always been keen on picking up on subtleties, like everyday heteronormative occurrences and microaggressions, but I swear there’s a sixth sense for it — and all social justice advocates have it.

It often feels like it kicks into overdrive, and sometimes, it makes me feel like I’m burning out. I love a good, intellectual discussion on the classist social system that continues to oppress women and people of color as much as the next person, but it can be a little emotionally triggering sometimes.

Many people come into their activism as a result of trauma or challenging life experiences, and that is exactly why self-care is essential in this line of work. As I am slowly learning, prioritizing yourself and your needs goes a long way as a part of the larger activist movement. When feminists take the time to recharge and rejuvenate, they are better equipped to tear down and tackle complex social issues.

After attending my first two national and regional social justice-y conferences last year, I felt ready to take on the patriarchal society. I couldn’t wait to riot and campaign in hopes of inciting social change and enlightening a whole new generation of future feminists. I had finally found a place, a place where a young queer woman of color like myself could fit in, and I was going to do whatever it took to make my voice heard.

I had taken the red pill and I was hooked. I was learning new things every day and I wanted more. My mind was expanding and my hunger for more did, too. I read so many feminist blogs and books than I could even wrap my mind around.

Vividly, I remember one of my mentors saying to me, “As an activist, you have to remember to take care of yourself or you’ll burn out too quickly.” At that point, I thought, how on earth could that happen? Social justice is my jam.

Fast forward a year and my activism is still as powerful and fulfilling as ever, but I find myself needing to take some days to binge-watch Netflix just to keep me from feeling like I’ve hit a wall. I get physically and emotionally drained at the single thought of explaining social justice issues to other people, but that it OK.

My newfound appreciation for self-care has helped me:

- Learn to say no when I am in way over my head.
- Stop feeling guilty for not educating everyone.
- Appreciate hanging out with my activist friends without talking about activism.  

Now, this list can be edited and re-edited a million times and is nowhere near finished, but it’s a good start. I’ve found that in order for me to advocate for other people, I need to take care of myself first.

Until next time,

xoxo

Feminism, Rape Culture, and One Misinformed Youtube Vlog

Once again, we discover another form of media discussing a rather touchy and controversial topic; this time in the form of a YouTube video. So the young woman in the video, “Declare War on Feminism: The Body, Sex & Rape”, makes some valid points concerning the ideals of what she refers to as “modern western feminism”. However, this young lady also seems to be rather misinformed about the true nature of feminism, and consequently makes invalid and inappropriate generalizations.

She begins with a very idealistic idea – that real women’s issues are not really women’s issues, but human issues. And that’s a nice sentiment, but unfortunately, the world we live in doesn’t seem to understand nor accept idealistic notions. We have to separate ideas in order for the general public to understand what we want to say. She goes on to discuss the objectification of both men and women – which absolutely exists in our society. Point for YouTube woman. But, when prompted with a question of why women are objectified more, she simply says “Women are more beautiful”. Really? That sounds like an opinion, rather than a statement of fact. Plenty of people would not agree with that – personally, I think the word ‘beautiful’ is super subjective, and it means something different to each and every person. How can she make a blanket statement like that and expect it to be valid in itself? She also says, “Looking perfect is something that’s driven by women themselves”, and says that the media simply engages that. To an extent, I can agree. But, it’s vicious circle phenomenon –what came first, women wanting to be perfectly beautiful or the media advocating it? What came first, the chicken or the egg? It’s an age-old question that can’t be answered – all we know is that they both exist and they have this cyclical relationship. I couldn’t tell you the root of the problem, but I know that we would have to change how the media portrays both men and women (because men also have an ideal they “must” live up to as well), and learn how to find inner peace to accept ourselves the way we are.

Rape. “Rape is a horrible, violent act that destroys the spirit of the individual it’s perpetrated against”. I have paraphrased that a little bit, but that’s the gist of how the young woman defines rape. I think that’s an appropriate definition that is simple enough for everyone to understand. She only discusses male on female rape, which is fine, but know that anybody is capable of raping anybody, regardless of gender.  She says rape is when a female is coerced, forced, drugged, intentionally intoxicated by a male into having sex. That’s a pretty complete definition, so I think she at least understands the basic idea of rape. However, she discusses what happens if both parties are drunk – they were having fun, and then one of them, (in her case she says the female), feels dirty in the morning. Is it rape? She doesn’t think so, and personally, I don’t even know for sure. I can understand gray areas concerning this type of situation. But, she derails her own opinions on rape when she claims there is no rape culture. She might have a different idea of what a rape culture is, because she believes a rape culture exists in Africa and the Middle East. I don’t know what she means by this, because she doesn’t explain herself. The problem is, she isn’t very clear when she talks about this issue – does she mean physical rape happens more in those areas? I don’t know, and she doesn’t elaborate on the matter. She also says rape, like other crimes, is on the decline in the western world, and claims that the 1 in 3 women being raped statistic is incorrect. Once again, we have no idea where she is getting her information from, and if those sources are valid. Statistics can be very tricky in that they can be worded or shown to make people see a different truth than the real one. Basically, this young woman has strong opinions on feminist issues but doesn’t let us in on where she gathered her information, thereby making a lot of her statements less viable as truthful. It’s not like I think she’s making stuff up, but I don’t believe much of what she says due to the lack of concrete evidence.

I want to go back to an idea that underlies the whole video – the issues she discusses are the issues feminists care about. First of all, not all feminists are women, which she seems to neglect in her video. Also, there are as many types of feminists as there are people. Feminism is another one of those terms that has lost its true meaning over time, and now means something different to each and every person. Maybe feminism doesn’t even have one true single meaning – maybe that’s a generalization in itself. Personally, I’d like to think and I believe that feminism is true equality for both genders, to the point where gender is not the first thing that comes to mind when applying for a job, having certain hobbies, behaving in one way or another, and when engaging in other societal activities.  Many different types of feminists focus on different issues – yes some feminists value the issue of looking perfect, some value the issue of objectification, and some value doubles standards concerning sex and the body. Some feminists value all of these and more. It’s hard to generalize an issue that the general public may or may not completely understand.

            I think her real issue with feminism is that to her, it doesn’t seem to deal with hands- on issues, and focuses on complaining about society. I can see why she believes that – it does seem like certain groups of feminists do a lot of whining. This young woman wants to be pro-active in stopping things like rape: no male guards at female prisons, arm women with guns (I don’t agree and think that men should be taught not to rape instead of having this violent tension between the genders), empowering women in third world countries where rape is rampant, and more. She even calls out angry bloggers for blogging about these issues, instead of doing something like volunteering at a women’s shelter. Oh, the irony. Here I am, semi-angrily (and I wouldn’t even say that angry at all) blogging in response to her about these issues, when maybe I should be doing something more pro-active. But, this is where I disagree with her. So physically, right at this very moment, I can’t be at a women’s shelter, or promoting legislation to remove male guards from female guards, etc. This is a technologically-inclined society- I’m going to use the internet as a resource to spread the word about issues I feel passionate about. Then, when I have available time, I will do something more tangible about it – because I care, and there are various ways to demonstrate that, including the internet, physical volunteering, or just even talking about it.

Guest Contributor: Theresa Mcguinness

Social Media in Excess

 

       Technology has undeniably impacted our lives in the 21st century. It is used in the workplace, educational settings, and the social scene. Unfortunately, technology has found a way to weave itself into situations that would otherwise be private. For example, going out to eat with a friend while that particular friend is texting or checking his or her social media accounts.
        We need to learn how to get off the grid. It is practically impossible to attend a social gathering without anyone updating his other Instagram account. Many people seem to forgot that there is more to life outside of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. There has been scientific research that has linked Facebook usage to depression.  When you are constantly on Facebook, you see all of the happy moments of your friends moments. They may be in a wonderful relationship, while you're single. They may have a recieved a promotion at work while you are still looking for a job. They might upload pictures of their summer vacation, while you are home during your time off. Comparison is the main reason social media affects our health. Like everything else in life, social media is only good in moderation. 

Why are you dressed so fancy today?

In my opinion, I'm asked this question FAR too many times a week. In today's society, it's become some sort of a social anomaly to walk around in a button down and some nice pants. Now let me clarify, nobody is ever rude when asking; most people actually throw me a compliment or two, and I sure as hell appreciate it.

  (Call me... I'm kinda handsome AND desperate. It's a win-win!)

 And while I love compliments just as much as the next person, it's kind of disappointing to me that classy dress has all but disappeared from the male wardrobe these days. Now look, I understand that everyone is different and rocks their own individual look, but I feel like today all I see is sweatpants and hoodies. To me, people just aren't presenting themselves with the class and potential they have. Some pleated pants, or a nice pair of corduroys,  a tucked in button down,  or even a nice layered polo-sweater combo, are all rarities with my generation...

"Is that guy wearing a TIE?! Do those still exist???"

  Outward appearance isn't everything, but it'd be pretty ridiculous to deny that how someone is dressed doesn't have an effect on how they're viewed. When someone is rocking the "I just woke up in this"-look,  they aren't putting their best foot forward.  Supposedly we take all of SEVEN seconds to form an opinion on someone after meeting them, and if the first thing we see is beat-up jeans and that SEXY socks and sandals look, that opinion is NOT going to be a very positive one. When someone, guy or girl, steps out of their home in a classy outfit, they look ambitious and ready to tackle that day. I mean, J.T. has a whole song about wearing a suit and tie, so there's gotta be SOME rational behind it...

 
(Something-something... good lookin', doo-doo-doo!)

 There is also this idea going around that dressing classy has to be expensive. I mean, it can't be cheap can it? All those rich people wear fancy clothes, so how could us commoners afford them? Well as a broke college student, I have to tell you... IT CAN BE CHEAP.

 (If you tell me you did ANYTHING but react like this, I'm calling you a liar.)

I will tell you right now, 99% of the classy clothes that snag me those gnarly compliments, are NOT from highly priced stores. I am not a person with a lot of spending money, and stores like "K-Mart" "Target" and my favorite, "Old navy", have done nothing but serve me well. I have never entered a "J-Crew", and being in "Brooks Brother's" once nearly gave me price-induced heart palpitations. This idea that brands define a look is convoluted; you can find clothes that make you look fresh-to-death for affordable prices very simply. Instead of a plain old t-shirt, snag a bangin' button-down and vest for not much more. Juicy sweatpants? Nope, go for that sweet business skirt. You'll be looking classy with almost no dent in your bank account.

 
(BAM! FASHION MAGIC.) 

Like I said before, everyone's look is their own. I'm not going to tell anybody that loves wearing sweats, socks, and sandals that they dress wrong; that would just make me a sociopath (Ha!). But really, I ENCOURAGE everyone to maybe consider bumping up the "classy factor" in their wardrobe. Whether it's just going from plain old T's to polos, or sweatshirts to argyle sweaters; every little bit helps. I believe folks should step out of the house looking their best, ready to challenge whatever comes their way with style.

So get out there, look your best, and GET SOME.
 

A little self-care goes a long way

Recently, in talking with with my friends, I have noticed an unfortunate and bothersome trend; a lack of self-reliance and self-care. More times than I can count on one hand I have heard friends state the following:

• "Why don't guys like me?"
• "Look, I'm cooking dinner and being domestic, why don't I have a boyfriend?"
• "He called me beautiful, no guy has ever said that before." 
• "I can't leave, it will ruin his life."
• "Apparently, I can't be selfish."
• "I just want a boyfriend."

The most unfortunate part, these statements are coming from otherwise strong and beautiful women. However, from thinking about this over the past couple weeks, I realize it is not a default within them, it is yet again a default with our society. Still even in 2014, women believe they must be committed, that their beauty is only real when reaffirmed by a male, that they cannot take control or change their life path because their partner did something nice for them, and that being domestic is really what seals the deal. It has become disheartening to hear these statements time and time again, especially when I see the women who are making these comments are stronger and more resilient than any social norm or construct put against them. I've tried time and time again to explain why they don't need a man to complete them or that they can take control of their lives, yet my empowering messages seem to have been lost in the ether. It becomes frustrating trying so hard to have others join your brigade of female empowerment, but the frustration will never stop me.

From my own life experiences and from a little internet research, I have compiled a list of things I believe are important to focus on for a happy, healthy and strong body and soul. 

• Cherish your friends: Surround yourself with friends, true friends. The ones who will tell you the truth because they don't only love you, they respect you.
• Know your strengths: We constantly focus on our weaknesses when our time could be spent focusing on our strengths. If you don't know what they are, ask a friend, parent or loved one to help you come up with a list. Not only will it be a momentary boost, it will also remind you of how very much you are capable of, which is a lot.
• Avoid negative people: You really don't need that weighing you down.
• Allow yourself to feel: Feelings are natural, we have our highs and we have our lows. The better you become at addressing your feelings and where they stem from, the better you will become at surviving those trying times.
• Breathe: I can't stress this enough, nor can my yoga teacher. The power of deep breathing really can work wonders for all types of situations, and I say that as a person who can easily get caught into a tiff of anxiety.
• Create joyful routines: Weekly blogging, cooking at least one meal a day, daily motivational quotes, really anything that makes those 24 hours even more worth it.
• Take actions that scare you: [My personal favorite] It's amazing how much you can grow within yourself once you take yourself out of your comfort zone [within reason, of course].
• But, most importantly: Just be you. You are perfect. You are enough. You are invaluable.

It has taken myself time to come to terms with making life changes, but in doing so, I have found just how strong I am on my own and just how much a little self-care goes a very long way.

Disclaimer: Although this is a rather heterocentric post, it can apply to all people of all backgrounds. The social norms and expectations placed upon us do not have to be honored. We are unique and beautiful individuals capable of living our lives on our own terms. 

You are and always will be enough.

Collaborating

I'm going to use my blog to vent just because this is something I continue to struggle with even as a senior in college. Working in group or team projects for class or work was never anything I looked forward to. I disliked having to work with people I didn't know because I wasn't familiar with their work ethics or how responsible they could be. I am used to completing tasks on my own because I know how I would like things to be done and there is a significantly lower chance of error since I'm able to monitor the work being completed. Of course, as a business major, one of the few skills that are in high demand not only for academics, but in the field are presenting and team activities. Presenting is a topic for a different day, but I want to focus on team projects.

So, what is it about working in groups that turn people away? Isn't there power in numbers? Or does quality overcome quantity? I remember something one of my professors told me last semester in my leadership course; she was distinguishing the differences between what constitutes a group and what constitutes a team. What is comes down to is groups are people working individually, but for the same overall cause or outcome. For instance, have a class project and assigning people different tasks and once those materials are completed just putting all of it together without any proper planning or debriefing. A team is a group of people working together, collaborating and sharing ideas - each person is involved with creating the end result.

If you want to have success in your group, strive for a team dynamic because it will lead to a greater chance of efficiency. Sometimes it can be difficult because you find that people are become less reliable for things or are performing at the level that you would like, but you have to function as a unit. Work in a manner that maximizes everyone's potential. Take advantage of strengths and be conscious of weaknesses.

Sick and Tired

Sick and Tired....

I am sick and tired of living in a society where my opinion rarely matters

I am sick and tired of constantly having to live on a campus where I have to stand up for the minorities because their voices are rarely heard

I am  sick and tired of living a society where the minority groups are always targeted

I am sick and sick of living in a society where there are always complaints and not enough appreciation for what is being done

I am sick and tired of dealing with being racially profiled day to day by those that do not know me

I am sick and tired of having battles with my self esteem, because I do not fit that perfect "Image"

I am sick and tired of constantly having to prove myself, due to the the discrimination of my skin color and gender.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired, but the battle never stops....

Change has happened, because somewhere down the line, someone was tired of dealing with their day to day battles and saw the need for a change to be made. I may be sick and tired of everything I go through day to day, but instead of allowing it to defeat me, I use it to energize me to fight for what I want. I use my daily struggles to remind me of my goals and aspirations. When I am faced with obstacles, I remind myself that someone before me were faced with the same, if not worst, obstacles. I choose to be resilient. I choose to learn from my past and learn from my struggles to make me better. It is not an easy job to be a difference maker, but it is a great feeling to see you goals and vision play out the way you want them to. 

Be better than you were yesterday and plan to be better than tomorrow. The struggle never stops, just keep fighting. It will all be worth it in the end. BE THE CHANGE. 

Stepping Out of Your Comfort Zone

 Oh man, this is a phrase that can be pretty terrifying. Why should we have to step away from the stuff we're happy with? Scary new things are clearly not for me. I mean, Garfield never had to leave his snacks, right? Why should I have to try to leave my everyday routine?

 Plus we only hear it in situations like corporate team building exercises, and "feel good" videos; so how seriously could we take it? "Step out of our comfort zones"? Really, that is some out-there hippie speak, right? Silly Hippies, get back to your tie-dying and other hippie stuff.

So OBVIOUSLY "stepping out of our comfort zones" is so some goofy idealist instruction we should just forget about, right?

WRONG.

I'm sorry to have mislead you up until this point, loving reader, but I just had to make sure we were so far into this article that you couldn't turn back. Like every horror movie ever, you've gotten too far into the woods and you don't have enough gas to turn around. Now i'm gonna murder you with an ax of self-growth! 
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Well now your old-"afraid to try new things"-self is dead (I'm currently burying it, bee-tee-dubs), and we're gonna talk about why you HAVE to try stepping out of your comfort zone. 

We as people aren't meant to be static characters, we're meant to be dynamic ones. While I'm using some literary terms here, what it really means is that we're meant to change and grow. Everyday we change a little bit, and we're not the same exact person that got into bed last night. The experiences we go through, even the tiny ones, help us grow into (hopefully) better people everyday. We're constantly improving and evolving, changing and adapting to the world around us.

(Sadly, your evolution probably doesn't look this freakin' METAL)

For that reason, stepping out of our comfort zones is INTEGRAL to our positive self-growth. We have to try new and sometimes even scary things so we can garner those new experiences. For example, taking that intimidating trip to a country across sea may lead you to discover a passion in foreign cuisine, or maybe even a whole new language you'd like to learn. Every time we try that "scary new thing", we're allowing ourselves to step into a whole new world of experiences; and with that, a whole new set of ways to grow as a person. Maybe one day you finally sing at karaoke bar, despite your previous fear of getting on stage, and end up meeting the person of your dreams. If we never break our everyday rut of "safe" repetitive activities, we'll never get a real chance at that evolution I had mentioned. 

Will you turn into a hardcore death metal dragon like that last gif? No, probably not, but you might just turn into a deeper, more complex person. 

That's right, deeper AND complex, like that one really cool person you knew in high school. 

(Yeah, THAT guy...)

So seriously, get out there, and try a whole bunch of new things. Whether it's something small, like trying a new flavor of ice cream, or something big and scary, like taking the chance to go sky diving, DO IT. Every time you step out of the comfort zone, you're racking up a new experience under your belt; and with that you improve as a person. Maybe you'll find a new hobby, someone or something you love, or possibly even nothing at all; But no matter what your new encounter brings, you've grown as a person.

SO REMEMBER:

Less of this:

More of this:

Have fun!!!!

Live Journal: The Red Pill Perspective

Anyone who knows me knows that my all-time favorite film is The Matrix. And anyone who has ever watched it knows the scene where Neo, the main character, is offered a choice between the now-iconic red pill and blue pill. The blue pill would allow him to remain blissfully ignorant in the Matrix's illusion of reality, while the red pill would lead to his escape and give him access to the painful reality of the real world.

"You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."

―Morpheus to Neo, The Matrix

The significance of that scene has ultimately come to define my life and love for social justice. Why? Because I have chosen the metaphorical red pill.

I often imagine that activists and social justice advocates have taken the red pill, choosing to "free their minds" from the social coercion that structures and dominates our lives. Analysts and free-thinkers like us feel like we've found a path to freedom, deconstructing everything that might help us understand humanity and the human condition a little better. This is the the red pill perspective—seeking the truth, no matter how gritty and painful it may be.

Always observant, my attention to detail has encouraged me to pursue journalism and has helped to sharpen my feminist lens; but it's that same level of awareness that so often causes my distress. 

My awareness of institutional racism, sexism, classism, heterosexism and privilege among other issues at both macro and micro levels has opened my eyes to the illusion of our so-called "progressive" society. And once you're socially aware, there is no going back. You can't "unsee" and "unknow" the ugly truths. I see the repercussions of social inequality and watch functionalism work in favor of the white, heterosexist majority every single day.

I wish I could just flip the switch and shut it off sometimes, but I can't.

The fight for equity will never end and my agenda for social change will never shrink—a struggle that activists and feminists know all too well—but being socially aware is a powerful and fulfilling feeling that is unique to individuals who constantly absorb the world's issues at large. I'd choose enlightenment over oblivion any day. My mind has been freed and there is no going back, there's just moving forward from here.

Until next time,

xoxo

Green Dot Bingo Night; Educating By Standers

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My first event as a program coordinator for the Women’s Center was last night. Green Dot Bingo was a way to inform students about the Green Dot initiative in a fun and innovative way. Green Dot is a nonprofit that works to eradicate power-based interpersonal violence.  The organization defines power-based interpersonal violence as partner violence‚ sexual violence, stalking, bullying, child abuse, or elder abuse . It isn’t gendered or hetero-normative. Interpersonal violence can happen in a plethora of different situations with each gender playing a different role. Green Dot works on educating and reducing the occurrence of these situations. How? Green Dot focuses on emphasizing the importance of bystanders in preventing and intervening during red dots (warning situations).
Bystanders have a civic responsibility to others. As citizens, we must make sure we don’t encourage inter-personal violence by simply allowing it without interfering.  Green Dot Bingo night substituted numbers in original Bingo games with scenarios in which bystanders can help advance the Green Dot Mission. For example, a scenario might be “ Create a buddy system at night and make sure all your friends get home safe.” I was extremely excited to make such an important issue a fun activity.  I look forward to being able to run more events that target important societal issues in an enjoyable manner.