I Don't Always Drink Beer...

We all know that college students love to drink. Thirsty Thursdays is more exciting than the weekend for a bunch of students. Yet, there are some of you out there who don’t like drinking, regardless of what the reasoning is. Now, it’s fine if you don’t drink. What you choose is what you choose and no one can judge you for that. However, my concern is that many of the students who don’t drink feel like they can’t party either, which is completely untrue! There are ways to stay up late on a Thursday night, play pong, dance belligerently, and not touch a drop of alcohol. Here’s how:

Firstly, you can make your own “mix” drink. Many students don’t like paying 5 bucks at a frat party to drink dirt beer, so they bring their own mix drink. You can do the same, just keep make it with water vodka. Grab a cheap bottle of water form the atrium, add pink lemonade, and voila, you have a mix drink. When people ask what it is, just tell them it’s vodka and lemonade. No one needs to know, and no one is going to take it out of your hands and taste for themselves. If they do ask, just politely say no because you have a cold or don’t like germs.

When people offer you a drink, which drunk people love to do, there’s always a way to avoid it. For one, you can simply say you don’t like beer. This will only be acceptable for a girl though since they tend to be classier, I guess (no stereotypes here in the WC, but outside their are). Another way is to say you’re allergic to yeast or glucose (a very common allergy now a days). No one wants to see you puff up like a balloon so they’ll back off. The last thing you can do is pretend to drink. Pinch your lips together, tilt the can to your mouth, pretend to swallow, and let out a big “ahhhh” when you’re done. You can do this if someone asks you take a shot straight out of a bottle too.

Now comes the tricky part, playing drinking games without drinking. Well, it’s actually not that tricky. For one, you can find a friend who knows you don’t drink and ask him to drink for you. Some games are impossible to avoid without drinking, so for those you can just sit down for a while. Other games are quite easy to avoid drinking. One especially, is especially is pong. Instead of drinking from the cups, suggest playing with water and drink a side beer. This is a lot cleaner way of playing, and those who don’t already do this will probably think you’re a genius for suggesting such a thing.

Following these clever tricks can guarantee a great night of partying without the hang over in the morning. And the best part is no will know (MUWHAHAHAHA). So remember, if you don’t drink you can still party.

-Kevin P.