Kitty Blogging and Maria Falzone!

If the WC had a kitty and it walked across the keyboard while one of us was blogging, our posts might look funny and be extra cool. How funny you ask? How cool you ask? Read on and good luck! (And scroll down!)

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“Sex Rules!” Comedy Show with Maria Falzone
TONIGHT IN THE BRADLEY CENTER!
DOORS OPEN @ 8:30, SHOW BEGINS @ 9 p.m.

Bully Beatdown

Have you ever been bullied? Maybe you were picked on, or maybe a close friend dealt with bullying. How far would you go to see that justice was served in that sort of situation?
MTV has taken matters into their own hands with the show “Bully Beatdown.” The idea is based on giving bullies a taste of their own medicine. Here’s the concept: A teen who is frequently picked on will submit their story to the show. If they are chosen, a camera crew comes to their hometown and films segments of their lives. They also interview and film the bully involved. You might wonder why someone would participate in such a show if they knew they would be portrayed negatively—well, they are given the opportunity to win money. Some of them truly believe they are in the right, one bully even claiming they were “teaching their victim how to be a man.” After the introductory segments, the bully is brought into a boxing ring surrounded by a jeering crowd. They are joined by a professional fighter. While the victim watches from outside the ring, the two grapple in an effort to pin the other. With each pin, the winner earns $1,000. After the money round comes a boxing round, during which the professional essentially beats the living daylights out of the bully for minutes on end.
Almost every time, the victim wins all the money and the bully is thoroughly humiliated, and often quite battered. Does this sound like justice to you? Realistically, a teenager has little to no chance up against a professional fighter. Maybe the victim gains a little confidence, maybe the bully has seen the error of their ways, but is violence really what it takes to accomplish this? In the end, the bully is just a kid, and it seems to me that the actions carried out are far too harsh for the situation. Think about it, after the show is over and everyone goes back home, what happens next? The bully feels as if they were humiliated on national television, and the person to blame is the victim. There is a good chance hurtful behavior is perpetuated by the show Bully Beatdown.
Then again, a bully’s power often comes from the fear they create in the school or community. Once they have been exposed on television, that fear may largely dissipate. So it is possible that the show does help bullying situations, if not in the way they originally intended.
What do you think? Should we combat violence with violence? Do bullies just need a good ass-kicking? I’m not so sure MTV’s Bully Beatdown is sending the most helpful message on this topic.

The Symbol of Syria's Pain

Zainab Alhusni was only 18 years old when she was brutally dismembered and mutilated by Syrian security forces. She had left her home early last month to buy groceries and her family never again saw her alive. She was whisked away to coax the surrender of her activist brother, and ended up beheaded and dismembered, a neighbor, activists and human rights groups say. As said by CNN, reporter Her older brother, Mohammed, became a well-known activist in the family's hometown of Homs in western Syria, often leading the demonstrations against embattled Syrian President Bashar al-Assad and treating the wounded. "Protesters would carry Mohammed on their shoulders so he could lead the chants," Fares said. "He was very loved by everyone. The protesters even had a chant they would say for him, using his nickname: 'Abu Ahmed, may Allah protect you!'"

Due to her bothers disobedient behavior in the eyes of the officials she was had the wrath taken out on her. In what way did she deserve such dehumanizing acts to occur to her? Why was she the victim of a hate crime? They were demonstrating on her the things they hated about her brother and all who rose up against the government. Several days after Zainab disappeared, security forces called the family and offered to meet them in a pro-Assad neighborhood where they would trade Zainab for her activist brother. On September 10, the family says, Mohammed was wounded in a demonstration. He came back to his loved ones a corpse. The family believes he was tortured to death. The ferocious Syrian government crackdown against dissenters began in mid-March when anti-government protests unfolded. The number of people killed over the past six months has reached at least 2,700, according to the U.N. human rights office. Some activist groups put the toll at around 3,000.

Zainab dreamed of owning her own tailor shop, so she could support her impoverished family, he said. But she never had a chance to fulfill that dream. Authorities forced Zainab's mother to sign a document saying both her daughter and her son had been kidnapped and killed by an armed gang, Amnesty International said in an online statement. The acts being demonstrated to people of Syria is demonizing and barbaric and should not be tolerated, how could we sit back and watch as such horrid acts occur whether they be here or there it doesn't matter. I blog about instances as these because it infuriates me to know such evil is still acceptable. I understand somethings are apart of people traditions and who am I to say what they believe in but when you are removing the rights of the people and treating them as tools, and property to be treated as you wish I must not hold my tongue. As Waleed Fares, a neighbor and family friend of Zainab said, "The case of Zainab Alhusni is not just for our town, or province, or even for the country of Syria. It is a human rights issue that should bring the attention of the world."

The Importance of Consent

Reading this article by Hugo Schwyzer reminded me of the importance that consent has for everyone in maintaining a healthy sexual relationship. Honest and enthusiastic consent should be something that all participants of a sexual experience seek to ensure; unfortunately, as Schwyzer mentions, there is often a more gray area between "YES!" and "NO!" that leads to serious issues for people.

Men, in particular, are often given harmful messages about pursuing sex. One such message is that all women generally want sex, they just need to be convinced of it. This in turn leads to various degrees of pressure that are put on their partners; while I think most men are acting with good intentions fueled by a screwed-up message, the fact of the matter is that any sort of coercion used in having sex is by definition a lack of consent since it goes against a partner's wishes. No one should ever have to feel pressured into a situation in which he or she is not comfortable.

Another unfortunate message that men receive is that unless a partner flat-out says "No," then they are giving some form of consent. This is a dangerous idea to instill in men because oftentimes a partner might not feel comfortable expressing a firm rejection. As Schwyzer says, "It’s tougher to say 'not yet, I’m not quite ready' or 'slow down' or 'maybe later' to someone to whom you’re genuinely attracted." Part of maintaining a healthy relationship is open and honest communication, and being able to confidently give or not give consent is something that is part of that necessary communication.

In my capacity as Men's Outreach Coordinator, I try to educate men and women about consent and what it really means, whether it is at a Healthy Love Party, part of Violence Awareness Week, or any other Women's Center function related to healthy relationships. I know that the overwhelming majority of men are good people who are disgusted by the idea of sexual assault; the mixed messages about sex that are sent to them by our society or by the media are the real issues that I am targeting when I talk about consent. By better understanding the mechanics of consent and putting them into play in our lives, we can all be one step closer to reducing instances of unwanted sex in our society.

Remember, consent is SEXY!

The FINAL End of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

This Tuesday (September 20th) marked the official end of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy in our military. Gay, lesbian and bisexual Americans are now permitted to honorably and openly serve our country.

Mini-history lesson!

The policy originally known as “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, Don’t Pursue” was passed in December of 1993 as a compromise between Congress (anti-gay kids) and President Clinton’s administration (pro-gay kids, at least in comparison). President Clinton's platform included public intentions of repealing the ban on gay military service but he was unable to overcome the anti-progress and anti-equal rights positions of the current Congress. The intention of what we came to know as simply “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (or DADT) was to prevent military recruiters and officers from forcing applicants and soldiers to reveal their sexual orientation; to forbid military applicants and soldiers from acknowledging their queer identification; and to disallow officers in the US military from conducting “witch hunt”-style investigations into otherwise honorable service-members.

The full, official title of the policy eventually included the words “Don’t Harass” in a further attempt to stem anti-queer intimidation, attacks, sexual abuse and other forms of discrimination within the ranks of the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps. and US Coast Guard. However, enforcement was spotty at best and discrimination on an individual and institutional level persisted (along with “witch hunt”-style investigations). While DADT was the active policy, otherwise honorable (and at times critical) service-men and -women could be dishonorably discharged  and precluded from receiving military pensions and other benefits. Nearly 14,000 Americans were kicked out of the US military because of DADT.

Since 1993 queer activists have worked tirelessly to propel our country towards the year 2011 (just because it is doesn’t mean we’re there yet). As of Tuesday, we can be counted on a list of over 40 countries around the world whose military does not discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation – including US allies like Israel, Germany, Canada, Japan, and Great Britain.

While the road ahead for our service-men and -women is undoubtedly still rocky (Afghanistan, Iraq, Libya, Pakistan) and the repeal of DADT does not directly deal with issues of transgender/transsexual Americans and military service, it is a step towards being on the right side of history – and that should always been commended.

Another issue that remains is the question of federal marriage equality. After all, who wants to look a Marine in the eye and say, “Yes, Marine, I believe your marriage is inferior to mine; yes, Marine, I believe your love is less honest and true and faithful than mine”?

Despite the issues that remain, ending DADT is great and here’s one reason why: queer soldiers may now feel that they can live more openly overall and represent themselves more fully, whether on YouTube or when talking to family members. Or both....



Our military values honest, bravery and integrity – the repeal of DADT supports all of these values and offers the opportunity for us to become a stronger country overall.

Unnamed Woman

As Violence Awareness Week comes closer, reading this piece of poetry reminds me of the hurt that victims of sexual abuse go through and how it can keep them from enjoying the happy moments in their life.

My mother cut out clippings from the newspaper with a pair of silver scissors,
gliding them along the marble countertop with a swoosh as I cut my French toast
into trapezoids with my fork. I never drank my orange juice. It left a bad
taste in my mouth when I brushed my teeth and besides, orange juice
did not belong to me anymore. It belonged on the list, ‘no longer innocent,’
and I hardly paid attention to the articles in the newspaper anyway but there
was still no convincing him of that. There was no convincing him
of most things that I tried and there was no way I knew of to drown
out the tone of his voice over my mother’s cheerful ring. There’s a nice
picture of you. [Ugly! Stupid! Fake!] My mother said. A nice picture
of a girl that looked like me, running with one hand in the air and a white
soccer ball in the net behind her. Blurry. The article below it takes up
half a page and continues on C5 but I flip to C6 by mistake and I read
about an unnamed woman who was r d two nights ago in her own house
by a man she (thought she) knew. And if you hold up the page, staring now
at C5 and looking at the letters of my name in the light from the kitchen window,
you’ll find the articles run together. The same black ink on the same dull
white paper and that’s as far as I’ll ever get to reading the article today.

Years later, I will flip through one of the three ring binders my grandmother
used to press each clipping into and I will notice the article I never read
and I will sit on my bedroom floor in my new house in my new city in my
new life and it would read like a fairy tale I wish could have been real.
‘Did I really do all that?’ I’ll ask my mom when she walks past my room and she
will pause in the doorway and take a minute to put it all together and she will
say ‘yes. Yes you did. Yes.’ And I will try to believe her only because my name
is written in the ink and the picture of the girl looks something like me
and I will wonder if the man was ever caught or put in jail or if he even stepped
foot into a courthouse but I will wait until my mother walks away before
slipping the paper from its plastic covering. I can feel the stabbing in my lower
back, see the world from in between a pair of fingers on my face and I wish I knew
what happened to that woman because it never says, if she survived or if she
walked around in another person’s body all these years. If she woke up
sweating at two am, if she forgot her favorite song or how to speak
out loud or how to look in to a mirror and I wish I knew what it felt like
to be the girl that was smiling, and not the one unnamed.

A. Leigh. "Survivor Poetry: Unnamed Woman". Life After Dating a Psycho. 2011.

This piece of poetry is so moving that I felt it was important to put it on the blog for all of our readers. If this topic is something you would like to talk about more, come to our event called Take Back the Night. This is forum where anyone can come and speak out about sexual assault and be with people who support them. There will also be a march around campus to literally 'take back the night'!!!!

If you are looking for more information, the Ramapo Assault Contact Team has a 24 hr hotline that is confidential, free, and supportive. Their number is (201) 684-7222

Redheads aren't in DEMAND!

Cyros, the world's largest sperm bank has started to turn down red headed men as candidates for donations due to the little demand. As a red head myself thinking that this is an AMAZING COLOR, I feel offended, even though I do not carry sperm. If I was to, I would definitely not accept an organization telling me my sperm isn't as important because it isn't in high demand. This is close to how Christopher Lander feels.

He states: "Parents who won't buy sperm-bank sperm from red-headed donors haven't considered the advantages."

The fact of the matter is that women who have red hair are assumed to be sensual sexy, spicy, and desirable as Christopher states, but when it come to men red hair isn't so attractive anymore. His conclusion is that it's not the idea of a red-headed girl identified child, it's the fear of having a red-headed boy identified child.

According to certain misconceptions of shows and childhood studies, a lot of red-headed children testify to having been bullied and this may in one sense frighten parents to bring their child in that environment as well due to the fact that magazines and America's "sexiest" people list rarely show red-headed men, which in a sense degrade the thought of a red-headed child. These are all points that this red-headed donor brought up which in a sense may be true or false, but the reason I bring it to your attention today because of the fact that the sperm-bank is discriminating as well parents are placing value on what is desirable and what is not. We as a nation need to sense events like this and know when something is obviously not right. For someone to willing to donate their sperm is a brave step and then to be shut down and told no we don't want your sperm , we are accepting donors but not that look like you. This is a very controversial issue and draws a line and sense of shame to those who are indeed red-headed.

As Christopher said he is a red-head and his sperm is just as good as anybody else's.

Women's Center Poetry!

Hiding behind fake smiles.

I run a way from my reality Into a false one.

Adapting to those around mi making mi self blend in

surrounding my self with faces so that I can Start make up my next persona.

I do not do this to be fake or mislead you.

But with my tears fall more often than they use to

My make up is washed away much quicker

and I'm afraid of what you will see

If we get to the bottom me.

-Poetic_Harmony

Here at the Women's Center, we do not judge you. We love you for who you are, so be yourself not anyone else!

Posted by Program Coordinator Charlen McNeil

Sex Talk: Too Taboo for the Internet

The race for Republican nomination has been interesting, to say the least, and some of it, in my opinion, has been quite inflammatory. Now, it seems that some candidates have decided to focus on Gov. Perry’s support for mandatory HPV vaccinations for young girls. Michelle Bachmann, in particular, has been focusing her efforts in making incredibly false claims about the vaccination and its purpose. In response, writer Ayelet Waldman went to Twitter and talked about how she had gotten HPV from her husband to show how common it is to have it (about 60% of female students are infected with HPV sometime during their four years at college,) and to make it clear how important it is to get the vaccine at an early age. This created a huge uproar on twitter, and she received many responses telling her that she was sharing way too much information, that she should be quiet about it, and even that getting HPV was a punishment for being a “slut”. This is a great example of sex negativity, and it’s extremely detrimental for all young people. If talking about sex and STIs is too taboo for even the internet, it creates a negative attitude that will stop young people from seeking help or information about safe sex or STIs because of it being too embarrassing.
One thing the Women’s Center tries to do is promote a sex positive attitude all over campus while providing information on how to be safe and healthy about it. It’s really important to have resources about safe sex, STI testing, and birth control information, and the Women’s Center is certainly a great one. After all, if there is one thing that most people around the Ramapo campus know about the WC, it’s that we always have condoms.

Man Up

As a super crazy football fan, I was beyond excited that the NFL season was a go for this fall. However, while watching the games this previous Sunday and Monday, I was concerned and taken back when all the Miller Lite commercials starting popping up. Miller suggests in their commercials that drinking their Lite beer is the “manly” thing to do, and if they are not, they are being unmanly. If someone is being unmanly, does that mean they are acting as a girl should? Is something so wrong with that? What makes me even more concerned is that there are two females drinking with the males in the bar and sit and laugh while the “unmanly” guy is being made fun of by his friends for not acting the right way. Don’t they take offense to the suggestion that acting like a girl is a bad thing? This commercial just stirs up tons of different questions for me, but every time I see one of these I question why they try to pressure men into becoming a stereotype.

Riot Grrrl: Then and Now

This upcoming Tuesday, the Women's Center is going to be featuring our first speaker of the semester, and we couldn't be more excited to have her here: Kathleen Hanna. At 7pm in Friend's Hall (SC-219), Kathleen Hanna will be speaking about her history in the Riot Grrrl movement and where women stand in today's music industry. Tickets are free at Roadrunner Central, so get one while they're available!

Everyone who can should try to make it to this event for these reasons alone:

1. She's an awesome feminist activist who has done so much to help with securing women's rights.



2. She has made some awesome music!



3. She has had a great impact on art, music, and feminism.

Although these are but a few reasons why you should all come out to this event, they are sure to interest almost anyone. We are super pumped for Tuesday, and we hope to see everyone there!

What's Up in September?

Its a little bit late, but check out our new & improved September calendar!

Click to enlarge

What events will we be seeing you at?!

Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars!

As you may or may not have heard, Chaz Bono has been cast in the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars. The son of Cher and Sonny Bono, Chaz (born Chastity) completed gender reassignment surgery just last year. He will officially be the first transgendered individual this show has ever cast. Dancing with the Stars has claimed that they are helping to create visibility for the LGBT community.

Of course, you can never achieve such incredible progress without encountering some serious opposition. Fox News ran a segment called “Don’t Let Your Kids Watch Chaz Bono on Dancing with the Stars.” Some people are worried about the questions children may ask after seeing a transgendered male on television. OneMillionMoms.com has initiated a full-on boycott of Dancing with the Stars, saying they “will not tolerate LGBT subjects being forced into our homes.” They go on to encourage Christians and families with children to avoid watching the show, in hopes that a severe drop in ratings will cause ABC network to rethink their decision. It is a shame that such a tremendous step forward is being rejected so strongly by members of the population. Thus far, Bono has been handling the controversy casually, claiming “it’s a much bigger deal to everybody else than it is to me.” He has no intentions of quitting the show. The season premiere of Dancing with the Stars is September 20, so if you are interested in the revolutionary casting, tune in!

Adele's body positive outlook

Adele is undeniably one of the most talented and emotionally charged performers on the charts today, with a huge voice that can easily fill a concert hall. However, in a world where pop music is perhaps more focused on look than sound, Adele has faced criticism as a full figured woman. Her response has been largely positive, focusing on her music and living a lifestyle that she enjoys, despite what critics may say.

When asked in Rolling Stone magazine about said criticism, she responded with “My life is full of drama and I won’t have time to worry about something as petty as what I look like,” furthermore, she divulges on the lifestyle she enjoys living with “I don’t like going to the gym. I like eating fine foods and drinking nice wine.”

While her unapologetic and non-judgmental response was refreshing, what perhaps made me fall in love with her even more was how she explained the focus of her music, “I don’t make music for eyes. I make music for ears.”

Rock on Adele! Check out her performance of “Someone Like You” live from her home. Personally, both my ears and eyes were absolutely moved by this stirring performance. Do you agree?

Think about it.

Pokemon Staffers & Some Weekend Links!

To round out this first fabulous week of blogging we'd like to leave you all with something fun! So, check out these awesome Pokemon Cards of our staff!

 (Click the image to open the slideshow BIG in a new tab!)

Also, here are some cool links to get you through the weekend while we're not updating:

This article on Classism and Eating Disorders from Womanist Musings gets the prize for "most illuminating thing I've read this week" because it introduced a perspective on eating Disorders that I've never heard before.

On the topic of class and eating, here's another very interesting piece, this one is about a chef who decided to investigate just how well on can eat using food stamps, this time from Persephone Magazine (which is an awesome blog that I often write for!)

Finally, Cara found a link to this super-important petition that we'd really appreciate our readers supporting!

She writes:

"A 7-year-old transgender boy has been banned from using the boy's bathroom at his school. His father, in an attempt to support his son, has created an online petition that takes just a moment to sign. By signing it, you would be supporting the ability of this student to use his preferred bathroom without fearing punishment. Take a stand for this brave child.

Also, this is not a localized issue. Many states here in the US ban people from using the bathroom that does not match their biological sex. This people in this case are just one family who decided to fight the administration. Since this issue is being brought up more frequently, it may be time to fight for a change in the

state law."

Have a great weekend everyone!

NYC Being Nice

Improv Everywhere is a NYC based comedy group that literally brings improv into everyday life. Their motto, “We Cause Scenes” is usually very accurate of their performances. In the past, they have done everything from having actors dressed as the Ghostbusters chase “ghosts” (people wearing white sheets) around the New York Public Library, to starting a musical in a food court. Their most recent mission, however, was a little different. 

This time, instead of using actors, two members of IE set up a megaphone on a podium that simply had a plaque that said, “Say something nice.” Instead of just walking by, the rest of the video is made up of clips of the various, normal people actually going up to the megaphone and saying something nice in the middle of NYC. It’s such a simple concept because it isn’t a performance based piece, but it created a great sense of community by letting regular people create their own message.

I think this really applies to the Women's Center because we really try to create an accepting community everyday on our own campus.

Horrors of the Home: Nanny Burning

Shweyga Mullah worked as a nanny for two of former Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi's grandchildren. When she couldn't keep one from crying, Aline, the wife of Gadhafi's son Hannibal, poured boiling water on her head. When Mullah was found her attacker and husband had fled the scene and she was left with bruises, scars and much patchwork to be done. Even though the burns were inflicted three months ago, she was still in considerable pain. The wounds and pain she feel can never be erased, but she rejoices at the fact that she is loved by god and have been blessed to have people support and help her. The Libyan health Minister, Naji Barakat stated "I think it's a crime against humanity," which indeed is true, this is absolutely disrespectful, immoral and completely degrading to any human to disregard them in such a way. She is only human and she cannot control the emotion of a child at all times. Sometimes children cry and if you cannot stop it does it mean we go around burning those who help us when we are in need. This act of dehumanization completely aggravates me and I refuse to see this SURVIVOR not see JUSTICE.

This was not only a horrific act to put someone through, but as well not the only time that this Aline had portrayed such hateful behavior towards servant of the Gadhafi household. As said by CNN, A man too frightened to reveal his name led CNN reporters to another one of Hannibal Gadhafi's properties, a gated, high-walled villa-like house, where the man said more abuse was meted out to staffers. This masked man stated, "Shweyga is not the only one," describing a Sudanese man who was also scalded with water after he burned an undershirt he was ironing, "Foreign staffers bore the brunt of the abuse." Another woman describes basically a prison cell that she had stayed in as a care giver to the family. This behavior is a form of discrimination, hatred, racism, and enslavement. These people were not given proper meals, dormitory or respect and that is the worst thing you can do is disrespect someone. I feel the most sympathetic to all these beings and wish nothing more than happiness for all of them.

Back at the burn hospital, Mullah faces months of recuperation and surgery. Her story generated enormous public response. So far, people have donated more than $16,000 dollars for her care. CNN is making sure that she receives proper care to be eligible to return home to her family. This relates primarily to the Women's Center because not only is it an act of violence against a woman, but against multiple workers because of their race and against servants in general because of the stigma attached to how people treat lower level classed workers. As an activist and advocate for the Women's Center this relates extremely to our mission of advocating for a violence, harassment free environment, as well creating an anti-racist, non-sexist queer-affirmative space for all to feel free, but I cannot ever truly feel free knowing in the world such acts are still occurring. I pray that all the places in the world like us fight as diligently to stop these acts.

Welcome Back!!

Welcome back to a new semester at the Women's Center! From now until the end of the semester this blog will be updated regularly Monday-Friday by the Women's Center staff and volunteers so get ready for a semester of interesting content. If you want to be involved with writing the blog, or helping out around the Center in another way consider coming to our Volunteer Training! It will take place on the 18th of September so e-mail women@ramapo.edu to get more information

Orrrr you could stop by our office for a visit in C220 this week for condoms, cookies, and some fun couches and people to chat with! Also check out our new bulletin board, featuring each of the student staffers as pokemon cards :) Here's a teaser!