Rest in Peace, Tyler Clementi

Tyler Clementi. Had I heard his name before yesterday, I would not have a clue who he was. I did not know him at all. We shared no mutual friends or acquaintances. He is not from my hometown or my college and our paths might have never crossed. Yet, my heart is heavy and filled with sadness because he is no longer with us. The suicide of Tyler Clementi has been on my mind since before his identity was even revealed. I stumbled upon an article yesterday morning that was shocking and disturbing- an 18-year-old student at Rutgers committed suicide last week after footage of his sexual relations with another male were broadcast live via webchat (some reports say iChat, others Skype). His roommate, Dharun Rhavi and a friend, Molly Wei, decided that it would be entertaining to leave Dharun's webcam running while Tyler had a guest over. What's worse is that this invasion of privacy had been announced via Twitter, as well. Just three days after this encounter was broadcast, Clementi left a chilling suicide "note" on his Facebook status that read, "Jumping off the gw bridge sorry" and his car, wallet with identification, cell phone, and computer were later found near the bridge. Authorities today are trying to determine whether a body they found in the Hudson River this morning is that of Tyler Clementi.

The fact that something like this could happen is unreal to me. Why would this guy think that it was entertaining, funny, or even appropriate to broadcast someone else's sexual encounters? It is unknown whether or not his friends, classmates, or his neighbors in the residence hall knew of his sexuality or whether or not he even identified as gay. In any event, invading someone's privacy on such a personal level and publicizing it is something that should NEVER happen. And "outing" someone can be particularly hurtful. Whether or not Clementi was open about his sexuality is not the issue here; the issue is our privacy. Although we are living in a world where, thanks to technology, there are very few things about our lives that can be kept completely private, the use of social networking sites and the various chat programs can do irreparable damage to us. That is why I encourage all of you to respect one another and respect yourselves and think for a second before we act, especially when it comes to making something public. Facebook, Twitter, iChat, Skype and similar programs can be great tools to keep in touch with friends, network, and the like, but they can also be extremely harmful.


Rest in the sweetest peace, Tyler. Your death is a great tragedy but hopefully we can learn from this and prevent similar things from happening to others. Justice will be served in your honor.

Lady Gaga - My hero!

Vote! It's your right.

Here's an interesting read from Feministing. I won't be redundant in re-stating and pointing out all the "not-ok" aspects of election sexism.

I will say that it is very important to register to vote and then to ACTUALLY VOTE. It is our right. To all the women: we fought hard to earn the right...let's exercise it!

If we don't take part in the political process, elected officials will ignore our issues/rights. Let's show them we care.

IMPORTANT DATES:
Last day to register to vote: October 12th
Last day to submit a mail-in ballot: October 26th
ELECTION DAY: November 2nd

Sorry, You Can't Go to School If You're Not a Virgin

A new proposal in the province of Jambi, Indonesia would require any woman trying to attend a state-funded school to take a “virginity test.” Should a woman fail this test, she would be barred from attending these schools. Excuse me?

This is absolutely one of the most ridiculous ideas that I have ever heard. How can a woman be banned from attending a public school based on some arbitrary notion of virginity? First of all, the policy’s creator, legislator Bambang Bayu Suseno, has not announced any reasonable way of determining someone’s virginity. Secondly, I noticed that there is no proposal to bar young men who have lost their virginity from attending public school, which just continues the double standard that it is okay for men to have sex outside of marriage but not okay for women. Bambang claims that one of the key reasons that he drafted this policy was that “parental and school supervision” over young people in Indonesia is too weak and that this is the only way to ensure proper morality, and regrettably many legislators have supported this idea. Fortunately, not all involved in the government are behind this issue; the provincial secretary spokesperson of Jambi stated, “Every citizen has the right to education as this is mandated in law. So, everyone, virgin or not, has the right to go to school.”

This law is atrocious for many reasons, none of which would solve any of the issues that the lawmaker is seeking to, which he claims is mainly sexual exploitation of women by men. How is stopping women from going to school going to solve that? Preventing people from getting a public education is totally horrible, given that the point of public education is so that everyone can attend school and learn. By stopping people from receiving an education, Bambang would be creating a large population of uneducated people who would therefore have greater difficulties in life. There is also no accurate way of determining whether or not someone has had sex, given that the hymen breaking can occur due to any number of factors aside from sexual intercourse. Virginity itself is a social construct, so judging young women's qualifications to attend school based on some arbitrary standard makes no sense whatsoever. The government has no business involving itself with young peoples’ sex lives, especially given that Indonesia is not a theocracy but a republic, which means that even some notion of religious standards on sexual behavior cannot (Or at the very least SHOULD not) carry any weight in lawmaking. Bambang’s policy is completely flawed and will benefit nobody, and I sincerely hope that it is rejected.

Old Enough

Since I was young I’ve always wanted to be grown up. I am the oldest in my family, so hanging out with the adults and helping take care of my siblings and cousins has definitely played a large part. My parents and many other people have always told me I act very mature for my age. I like hanging out with older people. It makes me feel older and more sophisticated. I can’t be bothered with High School-like drama. Maybe that’s why my best friend is 44 years old. You don’t come across the bull shit…as much.

Being in a student leadership role, I attend many meetings with the college’s administration. Recently, I have become very conscious of my appearance for these meetings. Yes, I have to dress professionally, but I refuse to conform to the social “norms” of business woman attire. I wear whatever I am comfortable in that is business casual. One day will be nice dress pants and a blouse. Another day I might feel like wearing a skirt. It’s all about what I think looks nice and what I feel like wearing that day.

Another thing I noticed is how I am sometimes not taken seriously because I am young, I am a student, and I am female. I have noticed how certain adults cut me off while I’m trying to ask a question or make a point. They are quick to think that because I am only 21 years old I am not capable of understanding budgets or policy. (Please don’t get me wrong. There are a lot of supportive people that I have no problem with.) I would contest that because of my leadership role I have a duty to do extra research and ask questions to ensure that I have an understanding of issues and decision items. If anything, I would expect this disapproving attitude to be directed towards the people that don’t care or are too lazy to care. Don’t be condescending to me for making an effort and actually caring about pertinent issues.

Hatred Doesn't Pay

An anti-gay Christian group based in Hawaii is now being charged $20,741 in taxes for "excessive lobbying". The group is called the Hawaii Family Forum, notorious for their fight against civil unions. Since 2008 they have increased their lobbying expenses from basically nothing to $125,695 just last year. While the group claims to be a nonprofit charitable oranization, tax forms confirm this not the case and that they are a 100 percent lobbying organization.

Personally, I can't help but laugh. This organization spent thousands of dollars and put forth so much effort jsut to spread a message of hatred and are now paying (literally and figuratively) for it. While I can't say for sure that there are other organizations out there who do the same thing, I hope this sends out a message to those organizations that if they continue such acts they will be caught, and they will pay.

If anything positive can be taken from this event, I hope it is the message that hatred doesn't pay. While everyone is entitled to their own beliefs, myself included, I can't see the benefits of spreading words of hatred and discrimination. I look forward to the day when the trials the queer community faces are nothing more than a bad chapter in a history book that future generations ponder endlessly... Why was there such a struggle to admit we are all equals and all deserve the same protection from our government?

- Shane

Love the Way You Lie: It's About an Abusive Relationship

I really hope the above statement hasn’t fallen out of the minds of everyone who listens to this song. It is about an abusive relationship.

The first time I heard this song, I remember getting a chill and tearing up while driving in the car. Seeing the video for the first time was just as jarring, it sent such a powerful message. Some of the lyrics for those of us who maybe don’t listen to the mainstream radio stations:

“Come inside, pick up the bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk?
Told you this is my fault, look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time there won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games I just want her back
I know I'm a liar if she ever tries to fuckin' leave again
I'ma tie her to the bed and set this house on fire”

Emphasis mine.

And for those of us who don’t watch MTV regularly:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_U

Lyrically, I think this song is brilliant. And while you can’t generalize this situation to all abusive relationships, the portrayal of the cycle of violence that keeps a person in an abusive relationship is outlined very well in this song. Also, I think Rhianna is pretty awesome for coming out with this song after her horribly public relationship with Chris Brown. I think it’s so important to talk about this issue because for so many people (predominantly women) in abusive relationships, they feel alone and isolated.

Because domestic violence is a very personal and private occurrence, we hold our annual Violence Awareness Week here at Ramapo. Visit the Women’s Center facebook for more information about our events in October, or swing on by.

Glenn Beck and the Co-Opting of History

As a history major, it troubles me to see how distorted representations of the past are being used to give weight to otherwise tenuous movements. For countless years people have been misquoting and misrepresenting the beliefs and statements of notable historical figures, but it certainly seems to be reaching an outrageous level in today’s media. The most unbelievably ludicrous connection I have seen lately is Glenn Beck’s hijacking of Martin Luther King Jr. and the Civil Rights Movement.

On his radio show, Glenn Beck claimed that his 8-28 rally (Held on August 28, 2010, the 47th anniversary of MLK’s famous “I Have a Dream” Speech) would be an iconic event at which, “We will reclaim the civil rights moment. We will take that movement because we were the people who did it in the first place.” When I first heard this, I was stunned and speechless; then, I became angry. It is absolutely ridiculous for a self-professed entertainer who has proclaimed social justice to be a terrible and dangerous concept to try to compare himself and his followers to Martin Luther King Jr., who believed strongly in social justice. These two men are so radically different that it is almost comical to say that Beck is the heir to King’s legacy; and yet, there are still droves of people who buy into Beck’s twisted view of the Civil Rights Movement.

This co-opting of a major historical movement is representative of the environment in which we live today: People are so desperate to further their own agendas that they can only find legitimacy in citing well-established “good” historical events (“Good” in this case referring to history that is no longer controversial). Glenn Beck claims that the members of his constituency are the true heirs to the Civil Rights Movement, but one must notice that Beck is ignoring more militant forces in the Civil Rights Movement like Malcolm X and the Black Panther Party. This sort of picking-and-choosing mentality is evident all over the political realm, and it is just truly disheartening to see how readily people will believe someone who claims a part of history as verification for the authenticity of their actions. Maybe it’s just because the Internet has created a sort of information overload that makes it difficult to separate out the whole truth from selective evidence, but people seem to have a genuine problem with recognizing when a historical figure or movement has been distorted.

It is important that we learn to call out those who will usurp history for their own purposes, lest we end up in a society like that in George Orwell’s 1984 in which history is rewritten and unquestioned by the general population.

Or am I just crazy?

Meet the Women's Center: Corey and Shane

Name: Corey Chichizola
Position: Program Coordinator
Major: Literature Minor: Theatre
Year: Junior

Corey’s favorite ice cream flavor is cookie dough!

The upcoming event that he is looking forward to most is National Coming Out Day because he says, “It’s an incredibly empowering and outstanding event that’s done year after year.” This year’s National Coming Out Day will take place on Monday, October 4th from 1-2:30pm under the Arch.

One fun fact about Corey is that this summer he filmed a flashmob sequence for a movie with Justin Timberlake. Corey’s favorite youtube video is The Christmas Tree, a video starring John Roberts:

Name: Shane Hoff
Position: Queer Peer Services Coordinator
Major: Communications w/ a Concentration in Writing
Year: Senior

Shane’s favorite ice cream flavor is Cookies & Cream or Chocolate Chip Mint.

The upcoming event he is most excited for is Queer History Month Keynote Speaker Lt. Dan Choi, who is coming to Friend’s Hall on Wednesday, October 20th to discuss Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and homophobia in our military.

One fun fact about Shane is that his secret ambition is to be a radio personality and have his own show. His favorite youtube video is The Phone Call which also stars John Roberts:

Open House: Ice Cream Social

Today was the Women's Center's annual Open House! This year over fifty people came out to enjoy our Ice Cream Social themed event. We ate ice cream, listened to music, chatted, and learned a bit about what the Women's Center does on campus.

Check out more pictures on the Women's Center's facebook (why not add us as a friend while you're there?) As always, if you'd like more information about any Women's Center services, events or if you'd just like a comfortable place to hang out, stop any time between 10am and 7pm from Monday-Thursday or Fridays from 10am to 5pm!

Degrees Of Separation

I went to my statistics class on Thursday feeling anxious about the homework that was due, but instead of talking about numbers and data collection, our professor started class with a moment to remember the victims and volunteers of the 9/11 attacks. He pointed out a really interesting thought about degrees of separation – how far are we separated from victims of the attack?

We participated in a little exercise that asked who knew someone who was a victim of the 9/11attack. Surprisingly enough, only one person knew someone. It was his best friend’s dad, and he as a friend is one degree of separation from the victim; as a class is two degrees of separation. Then our professor went on and asked if we know anyone who is serving in the armed forces. The majority of the class knew someone, which made it even more personal for me, considering I know three people serving overseas.

As the weekend went on, the issues we have been facing, like burning the Quran or putting up a Mosque near ground zero, were put aside to give time and remembrance to the victims of 9/11 and their families. We also remembered the heroic volunteers who risked their lives that day and the troops overseas that have been fighting for us. No matter where we were at the time, we’re all a degree of separation from people we lost that day, no matter how far, or near and dear. I would like to take this time to honor them, especially to my uncle - Abe Talingdan; we wish you safety, we miss you and we love you. Hopefully you’ll come home soon!

Janelle

What's Your Green Dot?

Most of the time I love my campus, but sometimes I get really frustrated. Like last night, for instance, when I learned that a few years ago a fraternity here thought it would be a great idea to use the tee shirts pictured at right for their rush campaign. I don't think I have to go into all that is wrong with this shirt... it's fairly self explanatory. Needless to say I was left FRUSTRATED, but also left with no real course of action to take.

Since the shirts had been made years ago the people behind them had likely graduated already and the fraternity had moved on, so contacting the organization directly would be too little, too late. Walking up to the individual wearing the shirt and telling him how uncomfortable it made me was an option (and one of my awesome friends actually did this!) but it wouldn't do much to negate the damage that this shirt already managed to do over the last few years.

It's times like this that I am grateful for the Green Dot movement.

Green Dots are taking over college campuses all over! They start with the idea that every act of interpersonal violence, and any action that promotes or condones or neglects to discourage interpersonal violence is a red dot. So, for instance, this shirt being made was a red dot because it promotes the sexualization of little girls and creates male unity within the fraternity by reducing women to sex objects and nothing more. Taken on it's own, it's certainly not going to cause violence... but when you saturate a community with messages like this you end up with a community (like ours) in which violence against women is allowed to happen and even joked about because the culture does not respect women.

Green Dots are designed to help show those of us who want to change this culture where our power lies. A green dot is any action that either directly prevents interpersonal violence or challenges the attitudes that allow interpersonal violence to continue. Knowing this I was able to take a deep breath and tell myself this:

"Okay, so he's a red dot right now... and I don't think I can get him to stop being one by confronting him. What I can do, however, is walk away and make a whole bunch of green dots to drown out his red one." Then I went and spent the next three hours at a table with Feminists United, encouraging people to play a game that challenged gender norms (green dot!) and talking to whoever was interested about the club and what we do (another green dot!)

The idea is simple: we want to make so many green dots that the red dots get drowned out. To drop the metaphor for a second: what this would look like is a major culture shift. A world where green dots drowned out the red ones would be a world where jokes about violence would not be considered funny, people would come together to intervene when they saw violent acts taking place, and violence in general would be in decline because the culture would not foster an environment where violence was easy to perpetrate and get away with.

Sample Green Dots

- The next time a friend tells a joke about rape or some other form of violence, call them out and tell them why you don't think that joke was so funny.

- If you hear someone making a victim blaming statement (for instance: she obviously wanted it, look at what she was wearing) challenge them!

- Find ways to express your beliefs in a proactive manner, not just when they're being challenged! For instance, the Feminists United activity that we did celebrated gender diversity and feminism in a way that was simply fun and positive, without beling a direct reaction to any offensive act.

- Start conversations with people about green dots and what they mean to you, spread the movement!

- If you hear someone fighting on the street, in the apartment next-door, whatever... consider walking up and asking if everything is okay (if you feel safe doing so) or calling for help.

- If you see someone being lead out of a party, clearly too drunk to consent, and you get a sense that they are going to be taken advantage of (go with your gut!) consider intervening and asking if everything is okay. [There's a great What Would You Do video that relates to this one!]

Now I want to know, What's YOUR Green Dot?

******************************************

Further Reading:

Green Dot's Site from Kentucky

Women's Media Center: Name It, Change It!

Burning Quran Endangers Troops

On Tuesday, U.S. and NATO commander in Afghanistan, General David Petraeus, issued a warning to American churches not to burn copies of the Quran for fear of endangering American troops overseas and Americans around the world.

Let's give credit where credit is due: Were General Petraeus's comments sincere and valid? I think so. Were his comments coming from a good place? Again, I think so. Could extremists use this as a reason to hurt more troops and Americans? Yes, and no one wants any more of our men and women to lose their lives.

But, do extremists really need a good reason to murder innocent people? No, history has proven that.

Does giving extremists a "reason" to murder innocent people somehow put the blame on anyone else but the extremists? Hell no.

Honestly, I would have also liked to hear General Petraeus denounce burning the Quran, not only because it could endanger the lives of our men and women in Afghanistan, but also, because it is an attack on an ENTIRE AMERICAN population's religion.

What about the danger this action puts our own Muslim-American citizens in? Muslim-American CITIZENS...that are legally protected under the constitution that this country was founded on?
Just something to think about...

"At What Point Does Social Status Trump Social Justice?"

All too often in our society, we see injustices occur when the perpetrator is of a particular social status. Politicians, actors, athletes and other socialites are given the benefit of the doubt in situations which would have any 'ordinary' person in a great deal of trouble.

One particular instance of this that has been bugging me lately is the Ben Roethlisberger sexual assault case. I myself am not a huge football fan. Sure, football is a great excuse to make Sundays a day of relaxing on the couch and procrastinating from doing homework. And admittedly, I have been known to cheer at the occasional close game, but football is not something I live to watch. My boyfriend on the other hand is a huge football fan, particularly loyal to the Pittsburgh Steelers.

The other day we were watching TV and there was a news brief about the Roethlisberger sexual assault case. For those of you who are not familiar with what happened, on March 5th of this year, he was accused of sexually assaulting a 20-year-old female college student in a Georgia nightclub. According to the victim's friends, she was dragged by a bodyguard to the back room of Capital City, the nightclub, where Roethlisberger then followed.

In her official statement, the victim wrote, "I still said no, this is not OK, and he then had sex with me. He said it was OK. He then left without saying anything." Several weeks later at his hearing, there was not enough evidence to convict Roethlisberger of any wrong-doing. The sexual assault laws in Georgia require evidence that there was no consent and that force was used; it is also often harder to prove that a sexual assault occurred when alcohol was involved. Roethlisberger was however suspended for the first six games of the season. That is of course until late last week when his suspension was reduced to four games because, according to the NFL's commissioner, he has " done a good job this summer of growing as the person that he needs to be, both on and off the field."

So let me understand this fully...he is tried for an alleged sexual assault and not only is there "not enough evidence" to convict him (disregard the medical exam which found surface lacerations and vaginal bleeding, as well as trace DNA evidence, the victim's official statement, and eyewitness accounts) but he is essentially rewarded for his "improved" behavior by having his suspension knocked down. Did we forget about the prior allegations against him in 2008, in which he allegedly assaulted a woman in a 2008 Lake Tahoe resort? Tell me why it is that professional athletes are not only favored in a court of law but are allowed to return to their careers with relatively no punishment. What kind of message is this sending to our society? If you are accused of rape, you'll be fine as long as you have some sort of higher social status or are a star athlete? I think that it's about time that people, regardless of their status, be held responsible for their actions and be made an example of.

Looking at Big Ben's track record and his numerous stunts over the years (a 2006 motorcycle accident, and ANOTHER alleged sexual assault in 2008) it is clear to me that this may not be his last run-in with the law. But sure, knock down his sentence and let him play without any punishment. After all, football is way more important than a victim getting justice.

Meet the Women's Center: Laura and Ashley

Name: Laura Hahn
Position: Library Coordinator
Major: Communications: Journalism
Minor: Political Science
Year: Senior

In honor of our upcoming Ice Cream Social we asked all of the staffers to let us know their favorite ice cream flavor, Laura’s is Cookies and Cream. The Ice Cream Social also happens to be the upcoming event that Laura is most excited for because we get to meet so many awesome new people!

One random fact about Laura is that she loves pandas. Her favorite youtube video is "You okay, you okay, you fine, you fine," also known as Jessica Meets Vanessa and assures her she's fine.



Name: Ashley Cummings
Position: Program Coordinator
Major: Law & Society Minor: Psychology
Year: Sophomore

Ashley also loves Cookies and Cream ice cream, just like Laura! Ashley also enjoys coffee flavor as well as cake batter.

Ashley is most excited for Breast Cancer Awareness Month this October, because of all the time that she has spent brainstorming and planning out events that she is interested in doing.

Two fun facts about Ashley that you might not know: she is half-Italian and she’s a licensed cosmetologist!

Finally, here are her favorite youtube videos!





Stay tuned for the second round of interviews next week!

Welcome Back!

Welcome Back! This is an exciting semester for the Women’s Center blog, along with our colorful new layout we are rolling out a new posting schedule with posts every Monday-Friday.

This semester we are welcoming two new staff members to the Women’s Center. Over the next few weeks this blog will be featuring short profiles of all of the awesome Women’s Center staff members so that you can all get to know your Women’s Center a little bit better!

Another way you can get to know us better is our Open House which will take place next Tuesday, September 14th. This year we will be having an Ice Cream Social, open to the whole campus. Feel free to come on by around 1pm to make yourself a sundae and hear a little bit about what we do.

If you have something you’d like to post on the blog feel free to contact us at women@ramapo.edu. Just put the word “Blog” in the subject of the message. We’re always looking for fun and interesting guest posts!

Finally, here’s a fun youtube video to brighten your day!



Feel free to stop by anytime… you don’t have to be a creeper like this kitty, just come on in!